My Friend Passed Away
May 23rd, 2008 | By cboatright | Category: PersonalHowdy (yes I am from Oklahoma)
First off I apologize for not putting something up for a few days.
You see I had a friend that passed away this week and it has been tough for me to deal with the emotions that go with a lost friendship.
Anyone that has dealt with a similar situation can relate. The really crazy part is I have not even thought about the great times we had together. You know the ones where we cut up, played music (him on bongos and me on guitar) or hung out at different places. I have not thought about the challenging and inspiring conversations we had together or even all the ways he helped me.
Nope. I have not thought about that at all. What I have being thinking about is this.
I have been thinking about what I DID NOT say to him. All the the really cool things I felt about him, but never vocalized it because of my pride and fear of transparency or embarrassment. I have been thinking about how this LIFE IS SO SHORT and everyone has an expiration date.
In fact, even the bible says this about the subject of life.
35 . Luke 9
After reading that verse it was replayed over and over in my mind. Then it dawned on me what living message was coming from it.
And it is this. Sometimes it takes losing something or enduring a sacrifice to discover truths that lay dormant in all of us.
I no longer have the opportunity to say things to my friend that would encourage him. Things that perhaps would’ve put his mind at ease from stress or had him consider a different perspective. All those things I wanted to say to him are now after-thoughts that will remain unspoken inside me for the rest of my life.
If we would take just a moment in our day to practice these little things they can make the biggest and most profound differences to the people around us.
Therefore I’m asking you to make a commitment with me. Don’t get freaked out thinking that I don’t even know you yet I’m asking you to make a commitment with me. You see the facts are if you are anything like me… I DO know you.
You probably go about your day taking care of business being productive. You make sure all your "i’s" are dotted and your "t’s" are crossed checking off the various items on your sacred TO DO LIST.
You are a DOER and you can make things happen. People rely on you and the expectation is high for you to perform.
Did I get close to describing a little something about you?
Yeah I thought so… it wasn’t too difficult because the facts are all of us share many common characteristics when it comes to being short sale real estate investors, business owners and entrepreneurs.
In fact, the ShortSaleology community members love being in a think tank type environment where they are among "their people".
I had vision to create a community where hundreds-thousands short sale investors would serve each other as ONE! We have a long way to go, but new investors are joining daily and with the combined efforts from others, we will get there soon.
I would like to make a commitment to you. I appreciate any accountability you can give me so I can remain consistent at doing this too.
It’s simply this. I commit to encouraging you more.
This is not just to give you a warm and fuzzy feeling. It is not to spread good thoughts into the universe so you can have your Zen moment. It is not purposed to try and sell you something. It is not because I think you have low self esteem or need someone to pat you on the back.
It is because I want you know that you are valuable, have a purpose and ARE and will always be loved by the Greatest servant of all, Jesus Christ son of The God of Most High.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Do you have anything you want to say to encourage others?
Do you have any personal experiences about people near to you that passed away and their death showed you something about yourself that you can share with others here ?
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hey bro, just read the post and want to offer my condolances.
Take care brother.
Colin Andrews Egbert
My dear friend,
Thank you for your transparency, in sharing your loss. When we spoke earlier today, I could tell something was “off” a bit, but was in such a hurry to tell you what I had on my mind that I neglected to get into your world for a moment and “do life” with you.
My apologies for being so self centered.
Your bongo playing friend (I say that with the utmost respect) is, I’m sure, proud to know the life lessons you’re now wrestling with in the wake of his passing, and the challenge you’re compelled to offer us in response.
I hear your challenge, and I rise to it. Thank you for the reminder.
Your brother in Christ,
…jp
Hey Honey,
I am sitting here across from you in the office and I am crying (I am sure you see that right now). I just want you to know that this is a wonderful blog post and I commend you for sharing your heart with the community. John will be missed. I am saddened by the fact that you are thinking of all the things you wanted to say to him. So I want to tell you now how proud I am of the wonderful Christ serving man you are. Thank you for being such a wonderful Leader, to our family of 2 and to this community. You are amazing. =)
Love,
Your Wife
Cory; My sincerest of condolances also and may God bless you and give you wisdom regarding your regrets. Sad, but how true every word you said regarding our thoughts when someone near and dear to us is no longer with us. But as a brother in Christ, may I tell you how truly blessed you are to be walking with the Lord, He is such a help in such times as these. As a newbie investor wannabe, I must commend you on how freely you profess your faith, as does Preston Ely. I truly admire you both and it shows that you both are being blessed and rewarded in your business by your faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. Stay the course, maintain the faith, and may God continue to bless you and your family. Together In Christ; Gary Hazeltine
P.S. I would indeed consider it a privilege to meet you someday in the future.
Dear Cory:
This is Amy, John’s fiancee. I read your message that you sent to John’s email . I was so touched by your words and I thank you for remembering the best man I have ever known. I feel so guiltridden and lost and lonely. John and I laid down for a nap and I got up when I couldn’t sleep. I went to wake him up at 9:20 and he wasn’t breathing. I called 911 and did compressions until the paramedics came. Cory, they worked on him for 35 minutes before giving up. I keep thinking if I’d only checked on him earlier. If only…… I am heartbroken for we were truly soulmates. I don’t understand and I’m praying for answers. Johnny loved you and Crystal very much and considered you two such close friends. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. I know he is in a wonderful place, but I can’t convince my heart to heal. Thank you for being such a good friend to him. God Bless the both of you.
Amy
My condolences from Colorado Springs Cory. Your sorrow touches me. I too know what it is like to lose a loved one. Please be encouraged “May the God of hope give you joy and peace as you trust in Him”.
Much Continued Success, (Joshua 1:8)
John Olson
Colorado Springs, CO
I have to share something I read this morning: “By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us - set us right with him, make us fit for him - we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand - OUT IN TH WIDE OPEN SPACES OF GOD’S GRACE AND GLORY, STANDING TALL AND SHOUTING OUR PRAISE!!!!” Rom. 5:1-5 (The Message)
Hey Cory,
You know i’ll tell you something.
Whenever I try to hold onto something I lose it. Whenever I let go of it I keep it for alot longer. I don’t know how long I keep it for, but whatever I have let go of, I still have.
I know its hard to lose someone you love and care about. Take comfort in the fact that you have a wonderful wife and great friends to support you.
To me, life is a journey of discovery and magnification of Jesus’ example. He himself felt grief and loss. I hope that you listen to his words within you.
Really listen to him. He has never failed me.
There is something for you to gain from this that will create more abundance for you. What that is only you and he can know. As for your friend, he has a new friend we have all never met in person.
Jerry in NJ
Hey Cory,
I will keep your dear friend John, you Cory, and John’s family in my prayers. I offer my condolences.
God Bless,
Freddy
Miami, Florida
Cory, my heart hurts for you brother.
I think we all have people we know we need to say things to, but we push it away out of pride, fear, inconvenience, or assumption that we have a lifetime to do it. We sometimes get these reminders that we have little control over how long lifetime is.
Personally (and sadly) I often get caught up in entrepreneurship & neglect the important relationships in my life. What you wrote is a reminder that it’s these relationships that have true eternal significance.
You’ve already touched & encouraged me, and I thank you for that bro. I’m praying for peace & healing for you guys.
Aloha ke Akua.. Andy
Dear Cory,
My heart and prays go out to you while you are morning the loss of a close freind,
As I’m sure most of us can relate to what you are going through, and your thoughts of
what you could have said or done when you had the chance in the here and now. I remember
losing my sister to ovarian cancer three short years ago, and feeling alot of the same things
you are feeling now. Many of my thoughts at that time was based on the Question of Why.
Lord, Why did you need to take this young loving women, only 41 years old, having so much to live for with raising her two boys. Lord, Why do these two boys need to lose their mother at such a young age. Lord, Why didn’t I have more time to tell her what she meant to me, and just how much I respected her, and loved her. These are answer only he knows, and I’ve come to accept the fact she has be called home and the Lord has a higher purpose for her.
Sadly my sister and I had grown apart in the years leading up to her passing, not in a bad way
simply just couldn’t seem to fit the time in my heavy entrepreneurial schedule. Time was a part of the reason, but she was battling the disease for 6 years and my fear of losing her along with the helpless feeling that anyone ever having dealt with someone you love fighting a terminal illness knows all to well. I could not fix it, played a roll in my drifting apart from her. I’ll never forget the call, that my sister Donna was back in the hospital and it didn’t look good, and she had asked for me to come see her. I dropped everything and went the next morning by myself, and that is when she told me she wouldn’t make it back to her home again, that this was it for her. She had asked that I be the one to stay strong for her children, she went on to tell me her final wishes and even asked me to write them down, where her insurance policies were, what she wanted for each of her children, She ask if I would serve as her health care proxy because she didn’t want anymore extremes done to her and felt everyone else would have a problem with that, which hit me hard at the time because I loved her and wanted her to fight like everyone else did, but I saw it in her eyes she was ready to go home to God. She passed away 15 days later.
It was from this day, to the day that she died, that I did not leave her side, I was her brother. and I looked after her, fighting with doctors and nurses to treat her well and make her as comfortable as
possible. I was given this gift of time with her, nothing else matter in my life, nothing was as important than those precious 15 days. Its still hard to believe she is gone.
What I learned from this experience is that time is the single most precious thing in our lives, Time is not to be taken for granted. Making time for your family and friends you love is a priority, Live each day, as though its your last. Never go to bed angry, Don’t be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve and tell people how much they mean to you today. The experience of losing my sister has also shown me how important it is to make my business successful, because with success you gain
freedom with your time, and no one knows how much time, we each have left. I personally want to spend every moment possible with my children and loving Wife.
Cory, I am sure your freind knew just how much you cared for him, because you my friend are a person who wears their heart on their sleeve. Sometimes are actions are louder than words.
God bless you and your family as you have a whole lot of people praying for you
John M Pierro
Just so happens I’m up in Raleigh, NC at a funeral for my grandfather.
I’m sorry for your loss, brother.
I’m starting to realize the importance of loving other people. It’s the only thing that matters when it comes right down to it. I, personally, haven’t been doing a very good job of this at all. But I want to change that. And I’m going to with God’s help.
You’re a good man. I hope you know that.
The pain we have after a loss confirms the depth of our love for the deceased, and strangely enough, the heartbreak is always worth the good times we did have, and the love we shared.
I’m sorry about your loss…
Nick Cifonie
Life is very short!
As a believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior, I am compelled to tell everyone I can that Christ came to earth to give His life for our sins, and by placing our trust solely in Him for forgiveness of our sins as our savior, we too will live for eternity after we physically die (John 3:16).
I encourage anyone reading this that if you have not placed your trust in Jesus Christ alone for eternal life, do it now! Don’t put it off till tomorrow. I’ve lived long enough to see through the unexpected, tragic deaths of others around me that you don’t know if you have a tomorrow.
For King Jesus!
Jeff Gehbauer
Richmond, VA
Hey my friend. I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. It seems like every time I turn around, you and I are sharing yet one more thing in common with each other… I’ve lost two friends in the past 2 months. One of my very best friends Christine, had to hear that her father committed suicide 2 months ago. Her brother (who was also a real estate agent at our brokerage) followed suit about 3 weeks ago. Two tragic losses back to back.
I couldn’t help but think of the same things that you thought about on your blog post. My first thought when I heard about each death was, “I wonder he was a Christian…” I then immediatley thought of where they were if they never accepted Jesus Christ into their lives. Then I thought of the conversations that I had with both of them and the subject just never came up. How is that even possible? I don’t know… But I will tell you that it scared the hell out of me.
It made me realize that I need to make sure that people are introduced to Christ whether I think they have been or not, regardless of what they might think of me. For some reason, that’s a hard thing to introduce to a total stranger. Even though it really shouldn’t be, it is… But I have to at least try as often as I can. We all do.
Thanks for sharing.
God bless.
Shaun McCloskey
Dear Cory, Crystal & Amy,
It isn’t very often large communities get to share in the intimate details of pain during the grief of those left behind. When it occurs, it brings healing in ways only the creator knows and understands.
My little sister recently died of cancer, and a few months before that her 18-yr-old son drowned while trying to save the life of another boy in a canoe accident at Paul Smith College. During the funeral, I broke down like I have never done before and literally ran out of the church in the middle of the service. A few nights later I found myself still sobbing.
In a state of what I considered agony of grief, God spoke, “Why do you cry?”
I replied in anguish and what felt like hot anger. “My heart is hurting so much I can’t breath.”
A few moments later I hear, “Do you cry for your sister, or for yourself because she is no longer with you?”
I had to think about that question for a moment, then realized I cried for all the things I never said, the years I let slip by without telling her how valuable she was to me, but more importantly to God. I stopped sobbing long enough to blurt out, “I cry for myself Lord… for myself, not for her!”
Again, I hear, “Let go of the pity, let go of the guilt, for what you have said or not said no longer matters. She is free and so should you be. You will never fully understand my ways, but I’m asking you to trust that I can make beauty out of your pain.”
I felt like it was a dream in a half awake and half asleep state, I saw myself handing to Jesus all that kept me locked in that state of grief, all the pain of my own selfishness, the guilt, and my brokenness. It took a lot of trust for me to do that and I could feel myself holding back a little because it wasn’t easy. When I placed these things in his hands he brought it up to his mouth and blew them away like ashes.
I fell asleep after that and slept peacefully.
I still feel a twinge of hurt in missing her, but its not the same. I haven’t felt pain to that degree again. The beauty has been immeasurable over the past few months. Hundreds of people in several states told us their testimonies regarding how their lives changed due to my sister’s struggles. Your opening up your hearts during your grief will help countless others to do the same, and it will bring healing.
We will never fully understand the “why” behind what happens, and as hard as it is to hear this…..it isn’t for us to worry about. We’re to look for the beauty in the ashes…..and if we do, we will find God’s glory waiting there.
My prayers are with all of you.
Dear Kellie,
You don’t know how much your post touched me about my Johnny. None of his family or friends have tried to contact or console me. It’s hard when your “just” the fiancee. I am dealing with so much now, I feel like I have died inside and I am incredibly alone. I pray for guidance and some kind of sign that Johnny is in Heaven. Your story gives me hope. I miss him so much and this is all so surreal to me still. Please continue to pray for us all. I will pray for you, your sister and your nephew.
God Bless You,
Amy
Amy,
I’m sorry you haven’t felt an outpouring of love others, especially right now. What you’re going through is not unlike what millions before you have gone through, except that you feel very alone. Take heart! There is SO much you can do…..even if you don’t feel like it. There are websites with grief forums where people are experiencing the exact same thing you are, pastors/priests from your local church can come to visit you, helping others through volunteering to put your pain to positive use, and I’m pretty sure that there are numerous people who would communicate with you if they knew you felt so alone.
Take heart Amy, you CAN put one foot in front of the other. Start with forgivingness……you are not to blame for what happened….no punishment is needed there……and perhaps you can reach out to family and friends who are suffering their own grief and feel alone.
If Johnny was as loving as it sounds like, then his journey ended seeing Jesus’ face…….love is what life is all about. Remind yourself of the gratefulness for the times spent, what you learned from him, how you’ve grown because of him, and pay it forward for someone else. That’s life, that’s love.
If you would like to stay in touch, I’d be happy to help keep you encouraged during this rough time. Please go to my website http://www.centerkeyllc.com and you’ll find a contact us page. Fill it out with your info and I’ll get in touch as soon as I can.
Blessings will ABOUND for you again…..
Kellie
Dear Cory & Amy,
I am so sorry for both your losses. Each of you grieves in your own way and will miss the special person Johnny must have been. There are gifts that each of you have, that you need to share with each other. Gifts of memories, special moments and words of encouragement and love that Johnny spoke to each of you about the other. I have endured many losses in my life, not all through death, but the gift of love keeps renewing itself. Nothing lifts a grieving heart more than hearing of the love your lost one had for you, as it was told to another. Share all those moments.
Our Savior desires for us to have “joy that surpasses understanding”. Be assured you will have joy again, but now is a time to grieve. Embrace your grief, feel it fully and be willing to let others help. I pray that you will have more support Amy, you will certainly be in my prayers. Cory, don’t be too hard on yourself, you are a kind, loving and faithful servant. For everything you didn’t say there is probably some word or gesture of kindness that meant alot to Johnny.
Thank you for sharing and being transparent. God Bless you both and know that you and your families as well as Johnny’s family are in my prayers.
Dawn Uselding, Wisconsin